The other day, my brother, who has always thought my feminism and queer support is something fun to mock, ended up having a conversation with me about female sexuality. We got onto the topic by talking about lesbians, during which my brother said he “didn’t get them, because how do they know when to stop?”
Disbelievingly, I suggested “when they orgasm?”
And my brother, thinking he knows more than me, goes “yeah, but woman can have multiple orgasms, so how do they know when it’s time to stop?”
"Well, how do you know when sex is over?" I ask.
"When I orgasm," he says proudly.
"But what about the woman? What if she still hasn’t orgasmed?"
"It doesn’t matter." I stare at him in disbelief.
"What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Wouldn’t you return the favor and bring her to orgasm?" And my brother laughs at me.
"No, see, the thing about woman is they don’t care about orgasms—they’re just as happy snuggling."
"…so if a woman got off and then stopped having sex with you, would you be happy?"
"But you wouldn’t go down on a woman who hasn’t gotten off yet."
"No, because then I’m not in the mood anymore, and it’s gross!!"
When I told him that assuming a woman is content with just snuggling and not reaching sexual fulfillment is a very flawed assumption, he accused me of not knowing anything because I’m a virgin, and obviously therefore don’t know what female sexuality really is. And that, anyway, “most girls get off in the middle of sex anyway so it’s not a problem.”
As a recap, my brother mansplained that: a) lesbians apparently can’t figure out when to have sex because a man’s not there to tell them he’s orgasmed and it’s time to stop, b) that woman are always always content with snuggling over reaching sexual fulfillment, c) a guy should never have to get a woman off after he himself has orgasmed, d) my opinion on female sexuality is totally null because I’m a virgin, and e) women almost always get off in the middle of sex and it’s a rarity if they don’t finish before a guy.